INT. A DIALYSIS CENTER – DAY
Patients are situated about the room in large recliners and are hooked up to dialysis machines.
All are near enough to hear all conversations, but pretend NOT to hear to afford a modicum of privacy.
Bob, my dad, is being hooked up, and the nurse is asking questions to determine his current fluid levels. Unfortunately, Bob has misplaced his hearing aids.
NURSE
(while hooking BOB up)
“So, how have you been? Any headaches? Itching?”
BOB
“Nope.”
NURSE
“Have you been constipated?”
BOB
“What?”
NURSE
(Louder)
“Have you been constipated?”
Bob
(Louder)
“What!?!”
NURSE
(YELLING)
“HAVE… YOU… BEEN… CONSTIPATED?”
BOB
(confused, YELLING)
“WELL, I’M AN OLDER MAN, I DON’T WORK THAT WAY ANYMORE!”
RANDY
(YELLING, pointing at butt)
“HAVE… YOU… BEEN… CONSTIPATED?”
At this point, from all the yelling, and commotion, the nurse and Bob have the attention of ALL the dialysis patients in the room.
BOB
(YELLING BACK, to NURSE)
“OH!!! … NO!”
“I thought you were asking if I had MASTURBATED!”
There is laughter coming from the patients around the room, and MIKE, the patient sitting next to Bob, who’s gotten to know him a bit, is laughing, and turning beet red.
MIKE
(choking, pointing finger in air)
“That’s a good one! That’s a good one!”