Dad has a lot of hardware in his heart, a valve (TAVR), numerous stents, and a pacemaker. So they have him on blood thinners to keep him from clotting everything up. This means that he bleeds really easily. He gets these pinhole bleeds that we have to slap band-aids on to keep from staining his clothes. As a dialysis patient this can be problematic, so they repeatedly train him on how to apply a tourniquet to his access arm, the arm they put the needles in.
Nurse (demonstrating how to put tourniquet on): So you apply the tourniquet by putting it around your arm and tightening it up. Then you go to the ER.
Bob (bored): Uh-huh.
Nurse (talking loudly): Bob! Are you paying attention?
Bob (irritated): Yes! If I’m bleeding I wrap a tourniquet on it.
Nurse (calmer): Yes. And?
Bob (disgruntled): I go to the ER.
Nurse: Yes. Now, have you had any bleeding?
Bob : From where?
Nurse (frustrated): From your access arm!
Bob : No!
Nurse (eyes narrowed): Are you bleeding somewhere else?
Bob (kind of embarrassed and gesturing down towards his hernia): Well, yes… I get these little pinhole bleeds on my scrotum. And since it’s hard to notice, it makes a real mess of my clothes.
Nurse (concerned, but unable to examine him on the public dialysis floor): I see. Is it bleeding now?
Bob (smirking): No. But I’m not quite sure how you’d want me to apply the tourniquet there!
The nurse is covering her eyes, shaking her head, laughing, and turning red.
Nurse (to Randy): Woo-wee, your father is something else.