The Twelve Maladies of Bob’s Ass

At the first diagnosis the doctors said to me:

Rheumatic fever, and death by 33.

At the second diagnosis the doctors said to me:

Glaucoma eye drops
Rheumatic fever, and death by 33

At the third diagnosis the doctors said to me:

Transurethral Prostate Resection
Glaucoma eye drops
Rheumatic fever, and death by 33

At the fourth diagnosis the doctors said to me:

Basal cell carcinoma
Transurethral Prostate Resection
Glaucoma eye drops
Rheumatic fever, and death by 33

At the fifth diagnosis the doctors said to me:

Kidney Disease Phase 4
Basal cell carcinoma
Transurethral Prostate Resection
Glaucoma eye drops
Rheumatic fever, and death by 33

At the sixth diagnosis, the doctors said to me:

Cataract surgery
Kidney Disease Phase 4
Basal cell carcinoma
Transurethral Prostate Resection
Glaucoma eye drops
Rheumatic fever, and death by 33

At the seventh diagnosis, the doctors said to me:

Erectile Dis-function
Cataract surgery
Kidney Disease Phase 4
Basal cell carcinoma
Transurethral Prostate Resection
Glaucoma eye drops
Rheumatic fever, and death by 33

At the eighth diagnosis, the doctors said to me:

Five cardiac bypasses
Erectile Dis-function
Cataract surgery
Kidney Disease Phase 4
Basal cell carcinoma
Transurethral Prostate Resection
Glaucoma eye drops
Rheumatic fever, and death by 33

At the ninth diagnosis, the doctors said to me:

Mild heart attack and stents
Five cardiac bypasses
Erectile Dis-function
Cataract surgery
Kidney Disease Phase 4
Basal cell carcinoma
Transurethral Prostate Resection
Glaucoma eye drops
Rheumatic fever, and death by 33

At the tenth diagnosis, the doctors said to me:

Cancerous Nephrectomy
Mild heart attack and stents
Five cardiac bypasses
Erectile Dis-function
Cataract surgery
Kidney Disease Phase 4
Basal cell carcinoma
Transurethral Prostate Resection
Glaucoma eye drops
Rheumatic fever, and death by 33

At the eleventh diagnosis, the doctors said to me:

Bladder tumor removal
Cancerous Nephrectomy
Mild heart attack and stents
Five cardiac bypasses
Erectile Dis-function
Cataract surgery
Kidney Disease Phase 4
Basal cell carcinoma
Transurethral Prostate Resection
Glaucoma eye drops
Rheumatic fever, and death by 33

At the twelfth diagnosis, the doctors said to me:

Transcatheter Aortic Valve Replacement
Bladder tumor removal
Cancerous Nephrectomy
Mild heart attack and stents
Five cardiac bypasses
Erectile Dis-function
Cataract surgery
Kidney Disease Phase 4
Basal cell carcinoma
Transurethral Prostate Resection
Glaucoma eye drops
Rheumatic fever, and death by 33

At my 91^st birthday checkup, my doctor said to me:

“Keep up whatever you’re doing you’re putting my kids through college.”