Screenplays

Recently, having accidentally checked from the library Blake Snyder’s book “Save the Cat” and fascinated, my son Randy and I sat at our computers and wrote three screenplay comedies. The first, “Haemorrhoids from the Deep”, a spoof on monster movies, was by an unusual coincidence read by an independent producer and manuscript editor and was submitted to major studios where it has caused a flurry of interest, with no action as yet. “The Will of Misfortune,” a dark satirical comedy is our third effort. Interested parties may contact us here. The following is a brief synopsis of each:

“Haemorroids from the Deep”

Logline: Alien ROID monsters reign in city sewers! Death awaits those who sit on throne!

Disaster dooms town as tentacled aliens disembowel and desiccate the defecating. A race against time, EPA Inspector Susan, City Engineer Tim, and POW test dog Rex, battle aliens and the town’s corrupt mayor and bottler of POW, an aphrodisiac drink. Against Tim’s advice, the mayor calls in Roid-O-Router, cloning millions from cuttings fed by POW dregs. Overriding the mayor, Tim warns the town, but bankrupts the mayor who vows revenge.

The town is saved when Susan discovers the cure. Together, with Roid pointer Rex, they pump tanker trucks full of Preparation-H into the sewers. The irate mayor finds them at the sewage plant, and has an easy shot to kill. However, Rex attacks and saves them, but is shot. Aiming again, the mayor is hit by the sludge stirrer run by Tim. The mayor falls and drowns in the waste.

Now married, the couple goes on their honeymoon with a case of POW II.

It’s a zany horror spoof.

 

“Will of Misfortune”

Logline: Five foul heirs, five named ills, murder, millions, a raffle – Winner takes all!

A techie womaniser, a druggie bar owner, an indebted gambler, a globetrotting clothes horse, and an ASSCAR driver are the greedy, dysfunctional Carcass family, stepchildren of ailing food magnate Tom Maine who sells his empire to Krapp Foods. His will bequeaths all to the one drawing his cause of death. Financial needs encourage each miscreant to hasten Tom’s earlier demise by the malady they draw.

Tom’s secret weapon is anthropology. At a Haitian voodoo clinic, he meets a mysterious doctor who invokes the karmic theme “Let others do unto themselves as they would do unto you,” as stated by Maxine, Tom’s love interest. Zany voodoo doll rituals and sacrifices cure Tom’s, ailments, rekindle his romantic sex life, and thwart the wanna-be murderers as their schemes backfire.

Spoofing medicine, religion, funerals and politics, it’s a recipe for mayhem. Tom rediscovers love, health, and virility.